How do I love my sparks as much as I love my bonfires?

I was talking to my divine friend P. on the phone today and discussing the idea of whether it is wise to revisit things later in life that profoundly affected you when you were young (i.e. literature, music, etc.) for fear of being disappointed in who you were then. A thought which not surprisingly spring-boarded to the question of whether in revisiting things later in life that profoundly affected you when you were young, is it possible to also be disappointed in who you are now. P. thinks definitely no – all life experiences, for lack of a better phrase, increase one’s value rather than detract from it. Myself, I am not so sure. Sometimes I look back on the person I was and see a glowing individual compared to the dim figure that I currently cast. But then again, am I just glowing in hindsight? Was I just as dim to myself then as I feel now? Are we ever really able to gauge our luminescence, or is it only truly captured in the eyes of others or in the spectral photos that are our memories?

My lovely Mother-in-law passed away on December 27th. I know that she felt herself to be dim in comparison to her radiant past self. This is so sad because in truth, until the end, she possessed a beautiful inner light.

How do we teach ourselves and others to recognize the ever-evolving light within? Perhaps not as bright at certain times as others, but always captivating. How do we appreciate the moments that are raging pyres without discounting those that are flickering flames?

Since more often than not I feel inferior to my past selves, perhaps this should be a focus for my new year. How do I love my sparks as much as I love my bonfires?